WHY I DON’T TELL YOU MY PROBLEMS

I’m definitely a ‘get on with it’ kind of girl. I’m proud of being a strong, independent woman. Even as a little girl my mum said I was like an old lady. Straight headed & organised, the one who thinks things through and gets things done.
I‘m not really one to talk about my problems. That doesn’t mean I bottle them up, don’t let people in or that I’m hard faced. It just means that I don’t like to dwell on things. I like to learn from it and deal with it head on.

Life isn’t easy for anyone, especially when you are a special needs parent. You have a lot of responsibility and a lot of stress. You are your child’s protector, their advocate, their fighter, their everything. There’s so much going on every single day and night that you just have to get on with, you just don’t have time for anything else. There is no other way. That’s life, you just deal with whatever needs to be dealt with.

And just like any parents, you don’t share every thing.

You don’t tell me what normally happens day to day. We catch up when we can, we have little updates. We laugh and talk and sometimes drink!

I don’t always tell you when I’ve had a bad night’s sleep, when Archie has kept me up all night, when he’s been up 5, 6 or 10 times a night. I don’t always tell you when I haven’t even been to bed, or when I’ve only managed to grab an hours sleep in the early hours of the morning before my day starts again. Or when I’m totally exhausted that I can barely think straight, because that happens every night. That’s my normal.

I don’t always tell you about the poo smearing, the hands in the toilet, the peeing on the floor and splashing around in it, the spitting or throwing food, because that happens most days. That’s my normal.

I don’t always tell you about his sensory issues, when he’s refusing to eat for days or refusing to get dressed. Kicking and screaming as he doesn’t want to put his school uniform on or leave the house. That’s my normal.

I don’t always tell you about every appointment we go to, every speech therapy session, every occupational therapy session, when we see the behavioural psychologist or the paediatrician, or every meeting at school. They happen several times a week, pretty much every week. That’s my normal.

After hours talking to so many professionals about Archie’s struggles, sensory issues and developmental delays I’m drained. I’m done, I don’t want to repeat it all over again. I don’t need to repeat it all over again. I don’t need to dwell on what he can’t do, I want to focus on what he can do.

I’m drained, I don’t have the energy to focus on the negatives. When I have to discuss I will but I don’t want it to be all I talk about, because if I did to talk to you about everything that goes with being a special needs parent, I’d never talk about anything else.

It’s not that I’m not letting you in, being hard faced, bottling it up or that I don’t want to talk about my problems. This is my normal and I’ve adapted to that, and accepted that. We have adjusted our lives to embrace and accommodate Archie’s autism. He’s our little super star, our little angel, and we adore every single thing about him.

It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you about my problems, it’s just that they’re not problems, this is just my normal.

But if I do need to talk, I know I can

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21 Comments

  1. May 17, 2017 / 2:16 pm

    It sounds really tough and I’m glad you feel you are able to talk about them, if and when you choose to.

    I think it is natural to want to focus on other things as well – sometimes it can help you cope better when you get something else to think about!

  2. Amanda
    May 20, 2017 / 12:11 pm

    You are an inspiration to so many

  3. May 20, 2017 / 6:40 pm

    What a fabulously honest and open post! I cannot begin to imagine how demanding it must be, but you are doing a sterling job. Thank you so much for the insight into your normal, you are an inspiration and your post is bound to help another family dealing with the same or similar normal #ThatFridayLinky xx

  4. May 20, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    I think its good not to share everything, so many people bare all on the internet and blogs but its always good to hold something back.

  5. Lorni
    May 21, 2017 / 7:02 pm

    I agree totally. It’s hard to relay the days trials with kids to a friend/family. It’s my world, my battle.

  6. May 21, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    I can completely understand that approach. While I think everyone needs to vent now and again, when something difficult is your everyday, I think to a certain extent you don’t want to dwell on it, you just want to get on with it and see the positives in your life. As long as you have people that you know you can talk to if and when you need to, I think that’s a really great way of approaching things. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  7. May 21, 2017 / 11:30 pm

    Thank you for writing such an honest post. You are strong to deal with your normal, but then you probably don’t see that. Keep going, you are a fab mum. I too struggle to talk about the negatives, I always focus on the positives, and when I’m around people that focus on the negative it is hard work. #sharingthebloglove

  8. May 22, 2017 / 8:50 am

    You don’t have to bare it all if you don’t want to. I don’t. I prefer to keep some of my struggles to myself but I also want to know I could talk to someone if needed.

  9. May 22, 2017 / 9:19 am

    Sounds really tough but it’s good that you know you can talk if you feel you need the release x

  10. May 22, 2017 / 11:38 am

    My blog is the way to release energy and give myself a voice that is just me. Fighting for your children can be tiring and frustrating but is essential for their happiness

  11. May 22, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    Such an interesting read. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

  12. May 22, 2017 / 9:16 pm

    Ah you have so much to deal with and it seems like you are coping amazingly well. I can totally understand you not wanting to always talk about all the things you’re going through, I just hope you get a break sometimes.
    Cliona recently posted…Fun Activities For Teens During School BreaksMy Profile

  13. May 22, 2017 / 9:53 pm

    I think it’s only best to talk when you are ready Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  14. May 23, 2017 / 1:15 pm

    I found during some hard times as a mum that sometimes talking made it worse, I would want to try and move on from it and if I constantly had to talk about it, it just made my whole day negative and not just whatever it was that was a struggle at that time. A great approach I think and you are lucky to know you have people to talk to if you need it. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  15. May 23, 2017 / 11:03 pm

    wow! That sounds super hard… I can’t even imagine what it is like on the day to day. Beautiful post though and you are for sure a fab mama

  16. May 25, 2017 / 7:44 pm

    You sound like one very strong mama, and your child is very lucky to have you! That much is true! #ThatFridayLinky

  17. August 6, 2017 / 2:56 pm

    Very well said. I think you have a great approach to how you deal with life’s challenges. Very positive. x
    #BlogCrush

  18. August 7, 2017 / 10:01 pm

    I think sometimes it’s easier to just move on from things rather than dwelling on them. Often, I find that other people don’t fully understand what it’s like when I try and explain anyway, or they offer solutions that just aren’t viable, rather than just listening and being supportive.

    It sounds like you’ve got a good balance – you’re on top of things and coping, but you know you can turn to people if you need to.

    And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #blogcrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Blogcrush Week 25 – 4th August 2017My Profile

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