MISSING THE MILESTONES

I try not to think about the milestones. Trying to figure out if your child is hitting their milestones can drive you crazy, especially when everyone else's children seem to be doing so much before you child. The milestones that I'm finding harder to deal with are the small thing you take for granted. The small things I took for granted with my first child.

I try not to think about missing the milestones. Trying to figure out if your child is hitting their milestones can drive you crazy, especially when everyone else’s children seem to be doing so much before you child.

Even more so when you’re a parent of a special needs child, when it’s not just one or two milestones they are not hitting. If you dwell on it too much it can totally take over your thoughts. You could be comparing all the time. Looking at photo’s on Facebook, analysing how children are playing in the park. I’m trying so hard not to focus on these big milestones. Archie will progress at his own rate, I know he will.

The milestones that I’m finding harder to deal with are the small thing you take for granted. The small things I took for granted with my first child.

At preschool all the parents were comparing their photos.

“How cute do they look in their little uniform?”

“This one is getting framed.”

“I’m definitely going to pulling this one out for their 18th birthday!”

I had to pick up Archie & walk away. We couldn’t join in that conversation. We didn’t have any preschool photos, we don’t have that first photo to hang on the wall, or to giggle at how cute they looked. Archie has Autism & is non verbal & doesn’t understand about having his photo taken. He can’t sit still or smile on cue. He won’t even go anywhere near the photographer. Instead he ran off, banging on the door to be let outside to play.

I’m currently scrolling through Facebook seeing all the gorgeous little preschool graduations. Those beautiful little faces smiling back at the camera, looking so proud of themselves in their little cap & gowns. Photo’s taken with mummy & daddy, or photos with their friends.

We don’t have those photos. Archie wouldn’t wear the gown & I would never try to force him to put it on. Instead of sitting on the little stage with all the other children, Archie was running around the preschool garden on his own. Spinning around in circles, running about on the grass.

I won’t lie. As a parent is it so hard to not have these things. These basic milestones that you take for granted, that you put in the photo album to look back on. I’m gutted I haven’t got these photos but I have something else instead.

I have this gorgeous little boy who loves being outside. Who loves running & climbing. He may not look at the camera but every now & then I get to take a little snapshot of pure joy on his face.

I try not to think about the milestones. Trying to figure out if your child is hitting their milestones can drive you crazy, especially when everyone else's children seem to be doing so much before you child. The milestones that I'm finding harder to deal with are the small thing you take for granted. The small things I took for granted with my first child.

Whenever I feel a twinge of heartbreak about the missed milestones & the missed photos I just have to remind myself to look at this photo. To look at this face and this smile and remember that every day my gorgeous boy is making progress. That everyday my gorgeous boy is smashing his own milestones. He’s still making the same journey, he’s just taking the longer, more scenic route.

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs
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26 Comments

  1. July 22, 2016 / 1:46 pm

    I said to Ben just last night that I am so glad O doesn’t go to a preschool that goes in for all this graduation nonsense. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things and would serve only to upset me as something else O wouldn’t join in with. Sending you big hugs honey xxxx

  2. July 23, 2016 / 8:10 am

    We don’t have graduation at ours but I did do the “last day pic”. It must be so hard to not be able to do the milestone pic but you are right. The ones that you capture with pure joy on his face are the really important ones. Everyone should be more aware of scenic routes too I think xx
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  3. July 23, 2016 / 11:42 am

    It is really hard and sometimes you feel like the only one and like no one else understands but you’re not the only one and I get excited about silly milestones that other people take for granted so I think that makes them more special.

  4. July 24, 2016 / 8:04 am

    And the scenic route allows you to find places and thing you never knew about.

  5. July 24, 2016 / 10:23 am

    Your photo is beautiful and shows far more personality than school photos in my opinion. I only have one school photo of my kids as they always ask me not to buy/take them when we are there (no idea why) maybe it’s because they don’t see me as part of their school memories? so please don’t feel you are not the only one x

  6. July 24, 2016 / 12:30 pm

    I’ve never really been one for the milestone pictures etc… just because my little one isn’t the biggest fan of pictures so I find it more rewarding when I get a picture that’s caught off guard in a way. The smile is natural, the fun is captured in time and I love that a lot more than the posing pictures. Your little one just looks glowing in that picture!

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk
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  7. July 24, 2016 / 5:18 pm

    Oh he is beautiful – I can only guess at how hard it must be, but try and remember how blessed you are. Photos aren’t everything. Hugs, Kaz x

  8. July 24, 2016 / 8:56 pm

    Oh bless him, he might not be at the same stage as the other kids but he is who he is and you wouldn’t have him any other way.

  9. July 25, 2016 / 4:28 pm

    Aw Toni, this must be tough. Your boy is gorgeous and unique and you are such a fab mum. Create your own little milestones or ‘moments’ that mean something to you. Tor xx #MMBC

  10. July 25, 2016 / 4:49 pm

    This must be very tough, I love your closing sentence though, taking the scenic route is perfect. The photo of him is fabulous too, gorgeous boy. x

  11. July 25, 2016 / 9:17 pm

    ah my heart was breaking reading you post… its really is hard.. my nephew has autism and my sister has had many a chat with me over the same thing.. you are an amazing mother of such a beautiful boy… its hard,,, but he,ll get there x

  12. July 25, 2016 / 10:08 pm

    You are not the only one, we went through exactly the same with Tyrus last year, this year he has made amazing progress in reception, not on all the milestones that everyone else is achieving, but milestones for him, like the biggest cheesy grin on a school pic with his siblings, like actually playing in the home corner with other children instead of alongside, finally cracking toileting, yes they are not the same as everyone else their age, but who cares, they are totally amazing xxx

  13. July 26, 2016 / 7:14 am

    Hey Toni, we had a similar thing. The photographer went out to take photos of our kids on the playground and they are some of the sweetest photos we’ve got but they aren’t like anyone else’s.

    And like I said on Twitter, we effectively have our own Milestone chart. It has no dates. But is just as precious. We had our first ‘I love you’ a few weeks ago. Unexpected and priceless. Xxx
    Rainbowsaretoobeautiful recently posted…It took five years for my son to kiss me on the lips and I’m not stopping him nowMy Profile

  14. July 26, 2016 / 9:43 am

    It must be so hard seeing everyone else at different stages and wanting those same milestones. But all the milestones you have with him will be extra special in every way. He looks so happy and as long as you’re both happy, then the milestones don’t matter. You set your own. xxx

  15. July 27, 2016 / 10:02 pm

    You’re so right Toni. As one of my mummy mates says, it you spent all of your time documenting, taking photos, diarising and writing about all of your children’s milestones and moments you will actually end up missing them. It’s about experiencing them live. Yes I adore having lots of photos and sometimes I regret not doing cute memory keepsake things like other mums but hey we will be ok.
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  16. July 28, 2016 / 2:09 pm

    Great perspective. We all have our own roads to travel. Its how much we enjoy the journey that really matters #brilliantblogposts

  17. July 28, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    I’ve added this to #madeupmilestones post. We may run along a different path but we are all still travellers. Let’s spread the word, our #madeupmilestones are just as precious to us.
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  18. July 31, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    A beautiful post.
    Your little man is a little star and as you said he will smash his own milestones in his own time. He looks very content and that’s all that matters 🙂

    Thanks so much for being part of #MMBC. Hope to see you tomorrow xx

  19. August 14, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    I always think the pics little ones don’t know you’re taking are the best. They’re so much more real than when they’re plonked in front of a camera and forced to smile. You have a beautiful little boy and the picture in this post is just gorgeous <3

    Louise x
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