So things have been pretty quiet on here & across my social media lately. You can tell when I go quiet that something is going on, that I’m struggling behind the scenes & withdrawing.
It’s been a tough few months, the loss of family members, heartbreak, stress, hospital appointments, further diagnosis’s for my boy, a new special needs school alongside the day to day chaos of being a special needs family.
It’s all been going on & as a consequence my blog & social media has suffered. I just haven’t been able to focus, haven’t had any motivation to write & haven’t really wanted to if I’m totally honest.
Previously, this blog has been my little saviour. The thing I turn to as relief, as a kind of therapy. Sitting & writing about my thoughts & feelings have always helped but not this time. This time it’s almost made things worse.
I look at other people’s Instagram and blog & instead of admiring them & moving on, I’ve been comparing myself & dwelling on it. Which in turn really hasn’t helped me get out of the slump I’m in.
I’m a grown ass woman, 36 years old and still feeling inadequate. How daft is that?
I don’t have the huge new build house with amazing staircase, perfect white walls & grey furniture to create stunning backdrops to my photos. I don’t have endless designer clothes & a photographer boyfriend/hubby on hand taking professional shots of me. It’s left me thinking that I can’t compete, that I can’t achieve the look that they can.
And I know this is something that I have to get my head around. I’m never going to have that so I have to stop using that as a comparison.
I’ve got nothing against those bloggers that do have all the above, their photography is absolutely stunning and aspirational. I just need to be realistic, I can’t compare the two.
So you know what? Sod that.
I don’t need a big fancy house & loads of clothes to be successful in blogging. I want to be the kind of blogger people can relate to. I want to write about the real life stuff even if that’s not perfect because life isn’t perfect.
I might not have the street style fashion images that look like a professional model but that doesn’t mean that my selfie style shots are wrong.
I might not have huge rooms to use as backdrops with perfectly styled interiors but I can use beautiful props. I can use gorgeous cushions, throws or flowers.
I just need to work on my angles, focus on getting the best out of the photo that I can.
I’ve had a blip in life in general then go on to make myself feel worse but instead of dragging me down further I need to push myself on & up. Instead of ignoring my blog & Instagram, or even worse scrolling through Insta making myself feel inferior and fuelling my anxieties, I need to continue to write. To find my style, what makes me, me, to have my own way of doing things, my own way of writing & my own style of images.
I know I’m not the only one that does this to myself, why do we do it? Why do we punish ourselves when we are feeling low? I’ve no idea but I need to change old habits. I need to stop putting myself down when I’m already feeling vulnerable.
So that’s life lately. It’s not been great but I’m determined to find the positives and keep on moving forward.