Sometimes Autism hits you like a brick wall, bang, completely out of the blue and it hurts, really hurts. Every day things that people completely take for granted can completely break your heart.
This happened to me today. Scrolling through my facebook timeline, seeing all the smiley, family photos of all the summer fun & holidays. We’ve had a great summer & taken lot’s of photos but the one thing we are missing, that I am grieving for, is that family photo where everyone is smiling for the camera.
We don’t have any of these, in fact the only ‘family’ photos are the occasional selfie when Archie can see his own face. and therefore smiles at himself.
I know we’re very lucky to have a happy healthy boy and I’m so grateful that we have two beautiful children but sometimes Autism totally kicks your ass. It knocks your feet right from underneath you. You think you’re dealing with everything ok, that you’ve completely accepted Autism and all that it brings but every now and then you realise just how much of an impact it has on the whole family.
I don’t want this whole post to be a woe is me but what I do want is to raise awareness of not just the bigger aspects of Autism but those little things too, as they can be just as hard. The little things people take for granted like the family getting together in a cuddle and saying cheese for the camera, having those precious memories in an album. Autism stops us from having this. Archie won’t sit with us and smile, he fights & kicks & screams because he doesn’t want to be held, doesn’t understand what we are trying to do, but I will still have my precious family album. It will just be different to what I expected but that’s ok, the same as it’s ok for me to have a little wobble every now & then.
I just need to wipe the tears and get on with it as my gorgeous little man needs his mama to be strong for him, to fight for him and that’s just what I’ll do.
Do you ever find the little things can hurt more than the big things?